exposed: underground eaters

table for 2 on the 4 train to brooklyn? i'm sorry, this might be public transportation but it is NOT a public dining hall. confession: i have eaten on the subway before. it was a granola bar. an individually packaged, unscented, non-offensive quaker chewy granola bar. 

and i don't really think that falls into the same category as sharing a full-on asian stir fry feast. who wants to eat a hot lunch when you're surrounded by 30 plus germy strangers, in a confined space, while moving through an underground tunnel populated by new york city's finest rodents? seriously people, eating a meal on the subway is just unsanitary. 

for more not ok moments, check out this post from the gothamist featuring blogs subway douchery, the n train gossip and train pigs. makes me real glad i walk to work. (caution: these sites are extremely graphic in nature and i would not recommend looking at them before or immediately following lunch.)

subway snackers spotted en route to the BK target by the East Village Vanguard.

a vision in neon pink.

possibly ok if you're at the airport in gunnison, colorado.
slightly ok if you're on a stopover en route to park city, utah.
NEVER ok when deplaning a flight from minneapolis to new york's la guardia airport.

it's like she layered on everything she wanted to bring on the trip and then zipped the pink onesie over it all. as for the perfectly coordinating neon pink suitcase, there are. no. words.

you know you're from minnesota when...?

photo courtesy of the East Village Vanguard.

my new boyfriend.

conversation in real time:
"ohmigah look at the guy's tattoo!"
"AWESOME."
"you should take a picture of him for your blog."
"done."
"you should get in the picture with him!"
"and done... that's a great tattoo, what does it mean?"
"it's the road to salvation baby. can i buy you a drink?"
"no."
end scene.

spotted in meatpacking giving pauly dee a run for his money.

confessions of a foodie

i love food. and i love ny mag. so it should come as no shock that when i get bored, i can literally spend hours on nymag.com reading restaurant reviews and plotting my next meals. sad? maybe. basically, ny mag food blogger = my dream job.

in the meantime check out adam platt's "where to eat in 2010". yum.

and now i give you, the best of claire's iphone food photos (because disturbingly enough 80% of the pictures on my phone are of food), a slightly less refined culinary journey through new york city, well mostly my apartment.

thai terminal - peanut curry w/ chicken
whoa. this stuff is GOOD. i would basically recommend anything from thai terminal especially if it's drenched in peanut sauce. monday night my roommates and i actually placed 3 separate orders over the course of the evening to this delightful little slice of heaven in the east village. sorry delivery guy, but it was snowing and i'm not about to walk 5 blocks when i can have it delivered.

crif dogs - spicy redneck and waffle fries
maybe you think this looks disgusting. maybe i do not care. it's like the texas state fair meets backyard barbecue meets texadelphia queso fries and topped with jalepenos. late night eating extravaganza. try it.

my adorable valentine's day cupcakes, not sold in stores.

and finally, the epitome of class and ultimate wine and pasta pairing: yellow tail merlot & easy mac.

i swear sometimes i actually eat legitimate meals. bon appetit.

where are they now?: american idol edition.

just because i know everyone has been DYING TO KNOW.

ruben studdard- get ready america, in 2K10 ruben plans to release a greatest hits album. seriously. the only ruben jam i'm even semi-familiar with is "i'm sorry (i'm sorry for 2004)," and that's only because it was on VH1's most awesomely bad songs ever, so how it's possible to release a greatest hits album is beyond me. bring it on, studdard.

fantasia- apparently fantasia won season 3, which i must have missed because i have never heard of her or any of her songs. she's starring in a reality series on VH1 this year called "fantasia for real." set your dvr and pray this is better than that awful series with bobby brady and whatever D-list celeb he married.

clay aiken- season 2's runner up, i personally found clay a little creepy ever since his first single "if i was invisible" basically portrayed him as a stalker. he wants to be a "fly on your wall?" think that clay, don't actually say it. well i guess recently clay came out as being gay which was really no shock to anyone except maybe himself. he recently published an autobiography that i'm sure is verrrry insightful.

carrie underwood- carrie is basically flawless. she's sold 11 million albums worldwide, won multiple grammy's and cma awards and last year got engaged to hottie hockey player mike fisher and scored at 12 carat diamond ring. not to mention, she's from OKLAHOMA. carrie wins.

sorry for this post. these are the kind of things that happen to people who are in the office on what should be a snow day and happen to follow US weekly on twitter.

repeat offender.

shhh don't tell, but i'm wearing the same sweater today that i wore on monday. oops. actually i'm wearing the same exact outfit, didn't even re-accessorize it. oh well. i work in an office of all guys. the only time anyone has ever made a comment on my outfit was the day i wore my fur vest. which is understandable, seeing as that vest is AWESOME. so my apologies for not feeling the need to come up with some creative ensemble today. it was a good outfit, i'll repeat. no shame. it's not like it was dirty. although in my opinion, clothes are really only dirty if you are unfortunate enough to spill something on them (which in my case if usually one of three things: coffee, red wine or pizza sauce).

i mean, everyone knows pants are never dirty. but you know what else is never dirty? dry clean/hand wash only clothes. 'dry clean only' to me is basically code for "this will never be washed." sorry i don't have $500 a month to blow on dry cleaning. it takes a lot for me to fork over $18 to wash my regular laundry which is essentially only gym clothes, underwear and socks. especially since doing laundry is pretty much my hell on earth.

i LOATHE doing laundry. i mean it's just the miserable schlepping of the 40 pounds of clothes allllllll the way (read around the corner) to the laundromat, making sure you have cash and then converting the cash to quarters in the machine which is a feat in itself seeing as all my dollar bills inevitably look like a dog chewed them up and then sitting in the nasty, grimy establishment that is LAUNDERAMA (wondering if your clothes are even getting clean) and trying not to stare at the freak old man washing one t-shirt and singing showtunes in the corner. on a good day, there will be enough quarters to finish all the laundry but if you're me, you will be about 50 cents short trying to dry the rest of your towels and have to either a) take money out of the ATM that charges a $3.00 fee and then walk across the street to the deli and buy a bottled water to break the $20 so you have ones for the coin machine or b) carry the towels home slightly damp and hang them in the bathroom where they never fully dry due to the shower humidity and have the same mildewed smell they did before you washed them. ugh. laundry. i might even hate it more than times square. which is A LOT.

the day i have an apartment with a washer/dryer AND a walk in closet. i will know i have succeeded in life.

well, i'm only working a half day because sister is coming in town. who's jealous? you should be. HAPPY FRIDAY!

PANCAKE MONTH, need i say more?

so OK it's not even funny, february is PANCAKE MONTH and clinton street bakery is going all out.

here's a sneak peek at some of the delightfulness to come...

wow. i think i might get up early every day this month so i can eat here before work. who's with me? 

it's just a little crush.

my new favorite word is crush. i think i picked this up from my lovely friends on our VT road trip. and i don't mean crush like a creepy-secret-admirer-infatuation style crush. i mean it like dominate, destroy or just generally taking something down in an awesome fashion.

things you can crush:
beers
a platter of nachos
six diet cokes (free refills, obvi)
the competition in a dance off

my friend cadie recently had this text conversation with our new friend massaaaaaa from connecticut.

c: get it.
m: got it
c: good.
m: crush it.
c: crushed.

so get out and spread the good word. CRUSH. also, how refreshing does an orange crush sound? or better yet, a diet sunkist? oh yea.

*side note: when you google "orange crush" a related search option is "orange crush weed" which apparently is a type of marijuana. who knew?!

the awkward years.

i feel like a 12 year old child today. awkwardly curly hair, plaid shirt, brought a pb&j and a sliced apple for lunch in a ziploc. sitting at my desk. alone. ally wants to know if my mom is picking me from work. sweeeet.

this is me in middle school on the left. not really. i was way worse and had a lot more butterfly clips and random braids in my hair a la mary kate and ashley from their 'two of a kind' days. if you weren't friends with me at this point in my life, you were most definitely missing out.

spidey at your service

so much for web slinging, spiderman has a new form of transportation. and this type can benefit you as well! i present to you: spiderman on a rickshaw.

for a small monetary donation you and your sweetheart can take a romantic ride down st. marks in this cozy bike taxi driven by one of america's greatest superheros. and if you're as lucky as this couple, he will even pop a wheelie in front of cafe mogador.

saving the world one buggy ride at a time. thank you peter parker, gotham city salutes you.

spotted in the east village.

cat in pound cake.

seriously. this is what we witnessed at the bodega saturday night. as if the food at those places isn't questionable enough, the folks at roger's garden are allowing this feline to prance around the place.

and if it's sitting in the pre-packaged pound cake who KNOWS where else pretty kitty's been. go ahead, try the egg salad. i dare you.

the employees at this place seemed ultimately fine with the issue, some kind of weird "take your cat to work" thing, or else the cat sitter fell through.

thankfully i was only there to withdraw money from one of those lovely atm's with the ridiculous $5 fees.

spotted on houston. meow.

santa baby.

sorry for the lack of posting, but it was christmas vacation! i'll start out with some belated christmas spirit...

spotted en-route to nyc at the will rogers world airport, chris kringle in lounge wear. apparently santa decided to forgo his sleigh post-christmas for american airlines. he also traded in his standard suit for some red sweats, a monogrammed 'S' baseball cap, and appeared 50 pounds less jolly. is this the REAL santa on a flight back to the north pole via o'hare? fugitive in disguise? brad pitt?

regardless, i believe it was because of this man that i made my 10 minute connection in chicago. a TRUE christmas miracle.

proof that even in oklahoma, things are not always OK.

only in gotham city.

when i saw this beauty parked on broadway, my initial thought was "batmobile." but then i realized this car was obviously playing homage to the delorean a la back to the future. so sleek. and who wouldn't love those convenient gullwing doors?

-5 points because in reality it was a hyundai and marty mcfly was not the driver. +10 points because it had subs and was blasting "empire state of mind" so loud i could hear it inside of topshop.

spotted in soho.

boy meets geisha girl.

oh look, it's just your typical all-american couple out for a cozy mexican din in meatpacking. girl in full on geisha wear, guy a weak version of boy george complete with a (look close) blue sequin yarmulke.

perhaps acceptable on halloween but this time of year the only excusable costumes are limited to tacky christmas sweaters and santa hats.

love may be blind, but i am not.

spotted in meatpacking, photo courtesy of wall street betty's stealth iPhone skills.

textsfromlastnight.com part II

saturday nov. 14

2:37 am: white suds

2:57 am: you are beautiful

3:07 am: gah.

4:09 am: S

4:10 am: how's you night? (a little late, for that don't you think?)

please note that this was a one sided conversation. good times with white suds.

thanks to rumor on the street for getting blown up with the hot texts this weekend. names blurred out to protect the belligerent.

a tribute to textsfromlastnight.com

you know what the number one thing not ok about this text is? we had to google what a shiatsu was.

group responses included:

"is that a dog?"

"foreign country?"

"is he jewish?"

apparently it's a massage. who knew?

also, look twice because if you've never seen a sprint rumor now is your chance. they're a rare breed on the cell phone market.

coat with da furrrrr (with da fur)

ohhhhh shoot, it's Notorious F-U-R taking on the starbucks at astor place. or wait, is it 50? he kept the hood on so we may never know.

"too hard for MTV, not black enough for BET."

back view spotted at 8th and lafayette. front view spotted on google images.

over 99.9% not ok.

the insanity continues today with by far the most unsanitary sighting to date.

AN. OPEN. PREGNANCY. TEST. ON. THE. FLOOR. OF. A. CAB.

seriously people?! i'm sure you could've waited at least until you got home to pop the test out of the box. i'd really rather not think about all the things people probably do in cabs. i know it's "public" transportation, but please have some restraint.

but now for the question on everyone's minds... was the test positive? i wonder if the outcome of the test had an effect on the destination of the cab. positive? baby's daddy apartment. negative? bar. either way i hope she tipped the poor cab driver at least 20%.

spotted in midtown by the East Village Vanguard.

my hell on earth.

let me start by saying that i LOATHE times square. it is by far my number 1 "not ok" location in all of new york city and i avoid it like the plague. it is dirty, congested and filled slow walking, picture taking, completely oblivious tourists. no i do not want tickets to see a comedy show, no i do not want to buy an "i heart NY" snow globe, and no i do not want to pay $5 to view the worst version of myself in the form of a creepy caricature. i just want to get where i'm going and get on with my life. yesterday i made the horrible decision to go to a gym class at the NYSC times square location and i will never, EVER make that mistake again.

maybe the strangest thing i witnessed on this particular trip to times square was the two seemingly normal american women who got unnaturally excited when they stumbled upon the sbarro at 47th and broadway. guess they've never been to a mall food court in middle america. i mean really, sbarro? if you're looking for good pizza ladies, head down to ninos where not only can you get a delicious slice for $2 but also an "i love you, beautiful" from the guy behind the counter.

i spotted these two ladies in their matching velour tracksuits headed back to the holiday inn express after an exhaustingday of shopping at the juicy store. matching shopping bags and matching tracksuits? wow. viva la juicy, made in the glamorous USA.

don't get used to sightings in times square. i will not be back.

don't drink the love potion.

this weekend rant will be blamed solely on the $20 mixology love potion drinks served at apotheke.

it is not ok to get a girl's number 5 minutes after meeting her at a bar. it is even worse when after this girl leaves you (well, unknowingly) scam on their roommate and proceed to invite her to an after party as well as get her phone number. rumor on the street was wise enough however to give out fake digits. smart girl.

it is also not ok to text the girl you met for 5 minutes at the bar the next morning to see if they want to do brunch. (whoa, that could be all sorts of awkward) call later and leave a "hey, what's up" voicemail. or text the next monday to see if they want to attend "a sick dance party" that most likely involves murray hill and $2 beers.

gregory, if you're reading this. we're talking to you my friend.

spotted on the bloody elbow of chinatown.