taking the urgent out of emergency

saturday night i was fortunate enough to get to spend the hours of 2 am - 6 am in the ER at a local new york hospital (accompanied by wall street betty and rumor on the street) which i will from now on refer to as SKETCH ISRAEL. no, there was nothing wrong with me (i'm just a good friend) and no one was intoxicated (well, no one in our party at least. not really).

i was stupidly unaware that after 2 am, ER is actually just code for drunk tank. bring on the overserved delinquents of manhattan. in fact, if you're not drunk they should warn you that it will take a minimum of two hours to actually get out of the lobby and another two-three before a 25 year old "doctor" will even look at you. i'm pretty sure the entire operation that night was being run by the 19-year-old intern (aka doogie howser, M.D.).

actually the first "patient" i saw was this girl who appeared to have absolutely nothing wrong with her. scenario: 2 am the girls rollerblades into the ER, exchanges her blades for a sweet socks with sandals look, and lies down on a gurney in the waiting room where she proceeds to send some one-eyed texts from her iPhone (see photo, note the blades in the lower left hand corner). thirty minutes later she goes back to be "treated." then around 4 am she returns to the waiting room, puts on her blades and rolls out. seriously.

the second atrocity i witnessed was the guy two feet away from the waiting room in a "room" partitioned by curtains. scenario: guy lying lifeless on a gurney, oxygen mask over his mouth, IVs in every arm and a bloody eye patch. not a single person checks on the guy the entire 4 hours we are there. pretty sure he died 8 hours ago and no one felt the need to move him.

then comes the drunkards, wheeled in on gurneys and in chairs, one after the other. students, hipsters, grown men, victims of bar brawls. my personal favorite story was the medic who brought in some kid he found outside of mcdonald's on st. marks and third (that's my hood!)

medic: "yea i just walked by and saw him makin' out with some girl, and i was like alright, yea. then he starts puking everywhere, so i brought him in." ok. must have been a bad big mac.

the next girl they bring in rocking a sparkly fuschia halter dress was also found at the mcdonald's on st. marks and third. coincidence? i'd bet money that this girl was the one making out with mr. pukey. solid night for those two.

this recount is really only the tip of the iceberg but overall the evening was certainly enough for me to seriously question the great american healthcare system.

stay classy new york city.

all incidents witnessed in gramercy.